This past week was Thanksgiving week! The great thing about Thanksgiving is that we don't just get up and celebrate the day, we have the Thanksgiving hype all week long. It's such a happy week. Yes, we eat but we love being together.
So this past week, I got a new hairstyle. Jessica cut and colored my hair. I really like it. My mom didn't care for it. I think it's funny, because now I look like my two sisters and my mom. They have dark brown hair. Mine was light brown/dark blond. Also, this week, I spent so much time with my fiance that I am still in the clouds. I love him so much. I don't really want to think about how I'm not sure when I'll see him again. We are both very busy.
Today, I substituted. Those middle school kids really let me down. They don't really know anything, it seems. They whine all the time and complain, and one asked today what the constitution is. Maybe they do that to get under my skin. If students today do not even know their basic rights, how will they know when those rights are taken away? Surely the few students here do not reflect every student in the U.S., so hopefully there is hope. Still I can't help but think of a friend who told me that she was a student teacher in a high school where most of the students in the homeroom did not know the entire Pledge of Allegiance. If this is the case with all of our students, then I have seen our future and it is grim- full of leaders who repeat history because they are not informed, who only read or write when they are forced, and who never look beyond the surface of anything or anyone. Lord help us.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
5 days closer and I lie
Today was a good and busy day- just what I needed. I've been working on being positive since Monday. Everything is satisfactory, but right now I miss Tim so much. I feel like my heart sinks deeper toward my back as I lie here thinking about him. All I can think about is that I am 5 days closer to seeing him, along with our families. What a wonderful time of the year!
(Just a side note for all of you to know. I've been using lay and lie wrong until now. So here's a grammar tidbit I learned. Lay is only used with a direct object, such as "I lay the clothes on the table," while lie has no direct object, such as "I lie on the bed." Really, every girl I know uses the two words incorrectly because every girl I know "lays" out. Instead, we should say, "I am going to lie in the sunlight. This just sounds strange. One, because it sounds like you are going to tell an untruth while standing in a stream of sunlight; and, two, because let's be honest, we're just too lazy to say that much about something we do to relax. lol)
(Just a side note for all of you to know. I've been using lay and lie wrong until now. So here's a grammar tidbit I learned. Lay is only used with a direct object, such as "I lay the clothes on the table," while lie has no direct object, such as "I lie on the bed." Really, every girl I know uses the two words incorrectly because every girl I know "lays" out. Instead, we should say, "I am going to lie in the sunlight. This just sounds strange. One, because it sounds like you are going to tell an untruth while standing in a stream of sunlight; and, two, because let's be honest, we're just too lazy to say that much about something we do to relax. lol)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Slow Trickling Stream
This is an experiment to just let my thoughts stream. It's called stream of consciousness. To just type like I'm thinking, but first I have to pause and calm my thoughts....meditate.
...
Thinking of brokenness and how I am sort of broken. I have a small room, and small things. I have little compared to most citizens of the United States, but I'm not really asking for a lot. Love.....love is so complicated because we really don't know what it means. That it means work. Sometimes love is hard work for me. I get frustrated when Tim doesn't listen but I never stop loving him, even when I don't want to at times. Everybody has problems. There's no quick fix. My mom suggested once that I needed depression pills, but I came out of the crisis fine. Now it seems minor. I'm glad that I was pushed to the edge of impossibly overwhelming sadness, because now happiness seems so much sweeter. I can't wait to live in N.O., but part of my heart will be here. Sometimes I look at a website with sad stories. I'm pretty sure that I've listened to "Fireflies" five times already. I just enjoy the sappiness, whimsical, innocence of it all. And I do want Earth to turn slowly sometimes. How can people put one label on someone? Those people deserving of one label, as well as those who choose to place only one label on persons, must be very simple, because I feel like I should have more than one label, or a blender of labels. I think I'm inner emo romantic eccentric poet and outer beach bum lazy sort of tom boy easygoing girl. Just girl, because I feel too confused in life to say "woman," because it sounds like such a big title. I want to be a wordsmith like Shakespeare, and I don't want to take words for granted anymore; but, I can't help myself from saying "like" a million times a day so that word has virtually lost it's meaning, along with "awesome" and "cool." Sometimes I just make noises when I'm listening. I sort of think that it's more meaningful because I created it.
...
I don't think my stream of consciousness is a big strong stream, just a slow trickling stream.
Today:
Made flyers, made a schedule, stapled papers, helped children learn Christmas songs, and did cub scout stuff. About to watch a television show. Peace.
...
Thinking of brokenness and how I am sort of broken. I have a small room, and small things. I have little compared to most citizens of the United States, but I'm not really asking for a lot. Love.....love is so complicated because we really don't know what it means. That it means work. Sometimes love is hard work for me. I get frustrated when Tim doesn't listen but I never stop loving him, even when I don't want to at times. Everybody has problems. There's no quick fix. My mom suggested once that I needed depression pills, but I came out of the crisis fine. Now it seems minor. I'm glad that I was pushed to the edge of impossibly overwhelming sadness, because now happiness seems so much sweeter. I can't wait to live in N.O., but part of my heart will be here. Sometimes I look at a website with sad stories. I'm pretty sure that I've listened to "Fireflies" five times already. I just enjoy the sappiness, whimsical, innocence of it all. And I do want Earth to turn slowly sometimes. How can people put one label on someone? Those people deserving of one label, as well as those who choose to place only one label on persons, must be very simple, because I feel like I should have more than one label, or a blender of labels. I think I'm inner emo romantic eccentric poet and outer beach bum lazy sort of tom boy easygoing girl. Just girl, because I feel too confused in life to say "woman," because it sounds like such a big title. I want to be a wordsmith like Shakespeare, and I don't want to take words for granted anymore; but, I can't help myself from saying "like" a million times a day so that word has virtually lost it's meaning, along with "awesome" and "cool." Sometimes I just make noises when I'm listening. I sort of think that it's more meaningful because I created it.
...
I don't think my stream of consciousness is a big strong stream, just a slow trickling stream.
Today:
Made flyers, made a schedule, stapled papers, helped children learn Christmas songs, and did cub scout stuff. About to watch a television show. Peace.
Monday, November 16, 2009
What is a substitute teacher?
Today I substituted. Now, I'm sitting here thinking about exactly what that means. The problem is that I become so emotional with the whole thing. Maybe I take it way too seriously. Here is how it went today.
So I'm sitting there, my nose in a book, not wanting to pay attention even though I can pretty much see everything in my peripherals. The students are so.....squirmy. It's almost like their seats have an electric shock and they just can't sit in them. The teacher doesn't really leave anything to do so they are there talking, to the best of their ability, above each other until it grows louder and louder. I just want to lay down. I'm not feeling so good, and they are pushing me to the edge. Well, they finally do because I yell at them. This happens over and over, with the three grades I sub for in a day.
It's kind of a sad story. One period, everyone practically ignores what I say while one kid is threatening the others, trying to help me, but what he doesn't know is that he is just making matters worse because, one, they don't respect him because he is too old to be in that grade; and, two because I don't respect him because the class before he busts in (in all of his hormone raging, over testosteroned anguish) and threatens to beat the (insert one of the two words appropriate) out of another student. And this is how it goes. These are the students pretty much all the time, and the sad story isn't necessarily all about them, but about me too. Why? Because these are the kids that I first saw three months ago as I bounced through the doors of the school. Yes, bounced, because I had heard so many terrible things about them; yet, I wanted to help them. I really did. Although they are intolerable at times, I really wanted to be there for them and I tried. But, they didn't respond and now here I am in the same seat as everyone else, not hoping, not caring, putting my nose in a book to ignore them because they don't want to care and they don't want me to care. At least it seems that way. So, I'll leave and move on and never think twice about it. Isn't that sad?
And why does it have to be so? I suppose because I am after all just a substitute, not a "real" teacher. I am like the generic, an Equate teacher. The brand name is more valuable, and in all honesty the real teacher has way more work to do. I'm just a babysitter. This isn't so sad though, because I didn't want to be the brand name real thing. I just have to move forward and pray that student will break out of the year after year apathy trend.
So I'm sitting there, my nose in a book, not wanting to pay attention even though I can pretty much see everything in my peripherals. The students are so.....squirmy. It's almost like their seats have an electric shock and they just can't sit in them. The teacher doesn't really leave anything to do so they are there talking, to the best of their ability, above each other until it grows louder and louder. I just want to lay down. I'm not feeling so good, and they are pushing me to the edge. Well, they finally do because I yell at them. This happens over and over, with the three grades I sub for in a day.
It's kind of a sad story. One period, everyone practically ignores what I say while one kid is threatening the others, trying to help me, but what he doesn't know is that he is just making matters worse because, one, they don't respect him because he is too old to be in that grade; and, two because I don't respect him because the class before he busts in (in all of his hormone raging, over testosteroned anguish) and threatens to beat the (insert one of the two words appropriate) out of another student. And this is how it goes. These are the students pretty much all the time, and the sad story isn't necessarily all about them, but about me too. Why? Because these are the kids that I first saw three months ago as I bounced through the doors of the school. Yes, bounced, because I had heard so many terrible things about them; yet, I wanted to help them. I really did. Although they are intolerable at times, I really wanted to be there for them and I tried. But, they didn't respond and now here I am in the same seat as everyone else, not hoping, not caring, putting my nose in a book to ignore them because they don't want to care and they don't want me to care. At least it seems that way. So, I'll leave and move on and never think twice about it. Isn't that sad?
And why does it have to be so? I suppose because I am after all just a substitute, not a "real" teacher. I am like the generic, an Equate teacher. The brand name is more valuable, and in all honesty the real teacher has way more work to do. I'm just a babysitter. This isn't so sad though, because I didn't want to be the brand name real thing. I just have to move forward and pray that student will break out of the year after year apathy trend.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Today....
Taking Jessica's advice, I started this blog. She'll be my sister-in-law soon and her blog is www.jessicamorgan.blogspot.com. It's sort of funny to me that I started it today. Today has been sort of boring, but in weeks past I've had some excitement such as a convention, first time pumpkin carving, festivals, whip cream fights, frustrations, fascinating restaurants and those sort of things. You know, the exciting stuff. But today, I am laying around all day fighting a sinus infection. I did speak at church today, me and all my clogged nose glory. haha. Right now, all I can think about is Thanksgiving and seeing family. Thanksgiving family forcast: Partly in-laws with a chance of turkey. And yes, I am corny....and just looking for a way to keep you reading. God bless.
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